COMPLETE BLOCKAGE

I need to write an article I promised for a San Diego magazine - deadline being March 17 and I have to admit, I've got nothin'. The article needs to be humorous, perhaps even satirical. Obviously this blog has lacked a whole lot of interesting or humorous content in a while. My head is blocked with my own self-centered "here and now", and I'm dwelling on the fact that I can't come up with any topics, which makes it worse. It's like when I'm out at the bar and my bladder says, "Dude, it's THAT time." but I get to the urinal and my brain is saying, "With all these people around??? That's WAY too much pressure!!! No way Jose!!!! Not gonna happen!". Then I'm forced to zip-up, wash my hands and walk out - not just a broken man, but a broken man with a full bladder. Not cool. Not cool at all.

So any suggestions?

About the article. Not the stage fright.