Thursday, February 09, 2006


Several years ago I was home during the day and watching an exploitative daytime talk-show, like Ricky "I'm as big as a" Lake, Jenny "I wish I were a real blonde" Jones, Sally "My real name is Jesse because I'm a man" Rapheal or something similar- and they had a panel of men on stage who undoubtedly were frat-boys who professed that their initial attraction to women had everything to do with tits and ass. Of course, being that it was a daytime talk-show the format was designed to turn the audience to a riotous outrage at how these guys could be so shallow. At one point, some dude in the audience- upon seeing the persecution of all the males in the studio- decided to take the self-righteous-indignation approach and proclaim that the guys on the stage were "pigs and should be ashamed of themselves for being so shallow as to judge a woman for her breasts!!!!". One panelist, undoubtedly the calmest (and destined to be a be a renouned trial lawyer) simply replied, "Oh. You must be an ASS man!" I was impressed. And it takes a lot to impress me -particularly if you take part in a stage setting on a daytime talk show. Seriously, if you got a call from the producers of Jerry Springer you'd know that either your girl/boyfriend has been messing around, is a transexual or is sleeping with your brother/cousin/father/uncle. Anyway you look at it - saying "yes" is gonna be bad. I digress.

That was over a decade ago. Times have changed. People are more willing to confront their sexuality/turn-ons and unless they are among the far-reaching-religious right, most people are pretty cool with it. No longer do people chide me for screaming "I LOVE BOOBIES!!!"- unless it's my next door neighbor and its 3am. Wait. I live next to a lesbian bar - second thought, nope! Nobody cares!

So I was visiting the site Citizen of the Month, which by-the-way is a funny-as-hell daily read, I jokingly commented about his use of a series of pictures of male-models and how it felt weird - like when the girls in my old office would pull up a picture of some dude with a giant,um, "member" just as I was walking by so that they could see me wince, shake my head and blush as they point and laughed at me. I'm not a homophobe - just a guy who doesn't necessarily get much out of pictures of men that are designed to arouse women. Neal, the author of Citizen, commented back with some musings (which I'm assuming were actually gentle sarcastic patronizations -which I of all people can appreciate) and asked what kind of "Manly topics" he should include on his site. I said "BOOBIES!" - well, okay not that emphatically- although that's how it sounded in my head.

Boobies! Bewbies! Boobs! Tities! Tits! Knockers! Cannons! Lungs! (I really could go on and on...) Really, who doesn't love boobies?? Big ones, small ones - it doesn't matter. They're fun to talk about, play with, lick, shake, massage, tickle, kiss, cover with chocolate (okay, this is getting a little out of hand...) Bottom line - people LOVE Boobies!

I really had a lot more to say about this topic, but the AADD just kicked in and the writer's block took form in the shape of fond memories of past girlfriends' boobies. I don't like where this mindset is headed..................

So that's all I've got to say about that. For now.