I DON'T WANNA GROW UP.......AGAIN.

One of the inner demons I've been trying to face lately is my occasional phase of "refusing to be an adult". Its not that I don't think like an adult - I've been thinking like an adult since I was 8 years old. Its my actions.

Since last fall, most of my weekends have been a little fuzzy. Some more than others. Since I'm not at all fond of the cold, I like to be indoors during the late fall/winter. I also like to sleep in, which is only occasionally possible. Yeah, yeah - I know - AA is saving a chair for me...

Its really not THAT bad. Its simply a lack of immagination for other things to do, and maybe a little rebellion mixed in somewhere.

One of the hardest parts of living in Houston has been finding people who share the same interests as I do - outside of drinking, that is. Its not that they don't exist, it has much more to do with my circle of contact (mostly firemen, medics and police. And workers in some industrial facets.) No disrespect to my bretheren, but talking about a recent trip to the Museum of Fine Arts at the firehouse is just a massive open door for intense hazing.

When I was married, it was much easier. We had other married friends - with other married interest and we'd all do fun and immaginative married things. But my ex was successful in breaking down those relationships prior to the demise of the marriage. (Hmmm, in retrospect - that could have been a big part in my bitterness leading to the end. Never thought of that one before.) At any rate, its hard to imagine that 3 years ago, I was much more grown-up and domestic than I am now. Okay, domestic might be a little stretch as yard work wasn't my favorite. I didn't hate it - especially once I got out and started it - it was getting motivated to get out and begin that was a problem.

So my plan is this. I don't have to grow up again yet - maybe if I were in a commited relationship, but I'm not right now. But I do need to start taking more advantage of the things I'm interested in and how much of it Houston has to offer. This includes starting to get my happy ass out of the house on Saturday mornings to go do something fun outside. The improving weather will encourage this as well.

Actually, I had every intention of accomplishing this over the past weekend, but the impromptu party of about a dozen people at 0330 at my place didn't help my chances much. Bars shouldn't close so damn early....