THE ORIGINAL AMERICAN PIE

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY Ellen DegenerATE is having a contest to find Tara Reid a date. Guys over 18 are being asked to send in a tape to her show to screen for Tara's "Dream Guy". Poor bastards who actually would send in a tape should be exiled along with the reality TV losers who have sucked their 15 minutes dry, and then some. This is going to be a circus. In the mean time, you can catch Tara in all different levels of consciousness down on Sunset, usually making out with the latest Calvin Klein kid -certainly not the same one that she'll wake up to the next morning.

Second thought, I really think my buddy, Shaggy, should send in a tape. I'll go get the camcorder warmed up!